 |
ur gone ... but i miss u anyways
so this person that i kinda went into detail about has really got me going. i'm sad. i'm sad he's gone. i'm sad he's not my friend anymore. i'm sad i dont get one of his odd faces when i say "mornin". i'm sad its all over. i've missed him for 3 months thinking maybe he'll come back but he's gone for good.
i remember when we used to compare our favorite Incubus songs and play pool at my place. I remember when i would tell him everything and i told him cause he seemed to be the only one that cared. all those times we would laugh and joke around and just have good times. i remember the good conversations and the way i cared for him as though he were my brother. and now. its all. gone...
i'm sad. he used to be my angel without wings, he used to save me from my troubles and be the one that made me feel better. but my angel's halo fell off and forgot about everything that ment something to him. not only that but he abandoned me too. buds forever is bullshit, even i used the word forever, but i used it in context and i thought it would hold true because its more realistic, i never thought his whipped little heart would ever let our friendship end. but it has.
i'm honestly sad because i know that he's not coming back into my life... cause i wont let him.
lost you
So lately i talked to someone i dont get to talk to as often as i would like or used to. He used to be a very good friend, he became on of my best guy friends, i started to like him, i did like him, then i got over him. He has a girlfriend that he's totally whipped over. everyone knows it, he knows it, she knows it, i know it, Chris knows it, everyone knows it. He's so whipped he would lick a public toilet seat if she asked him to. Ever since he started going out with her it hasn't been the same. He's always with her, i can't remember the last time i actually had a good convo with him or the last time i saw him with HIS friends. Everytime i see him i see him with her, and the fact that their attached by the hip doesn't bother me so much its more the fact that he's changed and i haven't seen him (the real him) in 3 months.
So last week i saw him online. It was late but i decided maybe i should talk to him. I IM him and theres really not much to talk about, so i just say it. "Chris and i agree that ur totally whipped" all he says is "yes", the kids not so bright so i ask "do u know what whipped means" his reply "yes" all i can think to say is "okay good"... theres this great awkward pause for a little... i try to formulate a question and find it... i ask, "can i ask u a question" and he comes back with, "depends on what it is" and so i go for it and ask the big question that i've been waiting to ask ever since i saw his profile and the words that dumb people take for granted. ..
(Akid = Me, ReR = my old friend)
Akid: how long is everlasting to u? cause if it means as long as ur profile and ur future defines it to be... then u only got a few months left
Akid: sorry, but ur using words that u need to get a grasp of kid
ReR: y months
Akid: do u honestly think she's gonna wait around for u after u graduate and go to the navy?
Akid: people dont even wait around for people that go off to college
ReR: i understand
Akid: everlasting means forever and its like u take the word for granted. just like how people misuse the word love.
Akid: it makes me sad that its like u devoted ur life to her already
ReR: sure thing
Akid: and i know u have feelings for her that are strong as hell and i admire that but i dunno, u've changed since
ReR: yup
Akid: u obviously dont give a shit about what i'm saying
Akid: whatever. its kewl. its not like i get to talk to u anymore anyways. but i just wanted to see if it would marinate, cause i've been thinking that for a while
ReR: i take it into consideration
ReR: but its really up to me
Akidd: yea it is
Akid: i'm gonna hit the sack
Akid: i'll c ya
it hurt me to see that he doesn't care that he's taking it all for granted. imean think about it, if you use to words love and everlasting and forever and all that, if it falls apart what do u use later? what does it really mean to you? it means shit, it means nothing. people use that diction all the time now and it sucks to see it lose its meaning. the word Love is bullshit these days, it means nothing. i dont believe in the word Love anymore because its worthless now. past all of that, i lost a friend over the last three months. He was someone i really cared about, i looked up to him and i admired so many characteristics about him that he's lost. I lost him a long time ago, not 3 days ago when the cnversation took place. he's gone and out of my life and the sadest part is, he doesn't care.
Remeber "New Guy?"
so u remember "new guy"? well i saw the guy in line again on friday. i found out he's not the most popular guy but still, his eyes are magnificant. anyways, the fact he's not mr. popular makes him less intimidating and i'm thinking maybe i should just go for it the next time i see him. just go for it and say "Hey. i just really wanted to tell u that u have stunning eyes." and leave it at that. if he's a bitch about it, then he's a bitch about it. doode the worst that can happen is absolutely nothing. haha. i need to start thinking like this more often. my God, sometimes i can be enlightening. so mr. hot guy in the skater shirts and stuf will soon find out i think he has gorgeous eyes. i think the plan is ingenius and if its not, then ohh well.
theory: Carpe Diem. seize the day, damn it. I can't sit around waiting for things to happen, i gotta make em happen. Damn i'm profound.
New Guy?
Have u ever just been standing around, same place as u do every day and notice someone new. Like u've never seen them, ever before, and u just notice something about them that sticks out... then u leave, dont think much of it, and then u just keep seeing that person everywhere u go?! well that happened to me today, it was kinda creepy. i was standing in line to buy my usual, Bagel, diet pepsi, and a cookie. I cut Jeff cause thats what i do. And then i notice this guy thats behind carlo in line. never seen the kid before, hes a senior (hes definitely not a junior or younger, i'm good at guessing grades). But i noticed his stunning greyish blue eyes. I was like WhOa, nice eyes. but yea, one of those eye contact moments (well a couple of them) then i left. he bought his lunch and walked to whereever the hell he sits. then i go to 5th period. I see the KID AGAIN! ahhh... u and ur quicksilver shirt. hahaha. then after 5th. i'm walking to my locker (otherside of campus from my 5th period class) and i'm closing in on my locker... I SEE HIM AGAIN. the mutha FudGa pops up everywhere. Never seen him once in my life and he all of a sudden starts poping up everywhere. what the hell!? whatever. not gonna think anything of it, but mayne, it was creepy.
so today was a big "talk about real world: SD" day. We talked about last nights episode that focused on racial topics and racism. it made for good conversation. The fact that Robin used the N word really offends me. I'm not even black, but anything that derogatory or racist like that just blows me up. i hate it when people are so closed minded to how much a racial slur hurts. its messed up. i hated how robin tried to make it seem okay by saying she didn't mean anything by it cause she did. She intended for that word to hurt that mayne she was talking back to. He called her a bitch and she intended to say the N word and make it hurt just asmuch if not more. i can't stand it when people are like that. it reminded me of someone that said something way out of line when we were in Arizona. He said, "Asians like gook-amole" . If u dont know what a "gook" is it's a derogatory name for Vietnamese. American soldiers used it during the vietnam war. He didn't say it in the precense of myself, but i heard it from my friends. i'm not vietnamese, and it wouldn't matter whether or not i am... but it hurts to hear that coming from someones mouth. it sucks that it still bothers me, cause it shouldn't, but it does. I have lost all respect for that person. I dont know if he realizes that what he said is wrong on so many different levels, but i dont like being around him anymore, i dont like seeing him anymore, and i can't stand him. and the fact that it was derogatory toward an asian race doesn't change my feelings toward it, it could have been a racist word towards white, hispanics, asians, blacks, any of the above. either way it still hurts. i mean, its impossible to get rid of racism or any kind of prejudice, but it sucks to hear it from someone that was kind of a friend or someone u expect to know better.
HuRRAY
so today i did something wonderful! i'm really quite excited about it, it might not be much to u but its a big thing for me...i'll keep it a secret... make it one of my own personal accomplishments and stuff. i like this! my left arm is kinda tired and spazzy, it keeps doing double letters even though i dont really want it to. its like that feeling of fatigue in ur arms after holding a hair drying behind ur head for too long. yea. HuRRay. haha. my legs are all warm and tingly, how fun! hehe. so dinner is next, and i like eating dinner afterwards cause i dont eat much, why, i dont know. but its kewl.
hw and reading are still on my things to do list.
Monday... damn those mondays
Hrm. so i'll start off with last night. i went to skool at around 6:45 to go for a jog. it was kinda pitch black cause i guess the street lights and stuff go on at 7. So yea, i went to the wrong gate at first and had to walk over to the homeside gate in order to let myself in. No one was there and it was kinda dark. So i tired my car keys to my pants and went for a jog. it was nice cause since it was so dark the stars shined really bright. i looked up at osiris, the 7 sisters, and the little dipper as i ran around in circles. every now and again i would see a shadow and freak out, think its like a man out to kill me. ahh. but yea, i listened to my something corporate CD while jogging around. i did a mile and 3/4s. Not bad. it was pretty okay.
So today was okay. i went to PQ donuts and bougt a glazed donut and water for breakfast. went to skool, was kinda pissed cause it was all foggy and my car got all wet and i just washed it yesterday... damn it. Parked kinda far today for the first time. walked my ass to 1st period and we did lit circles and all that shit. i got in a tiny bit of trouble for sleeping after lit circles. whatever, dont care. then 2nd period. 3rd period. 4th period.
5th period we watched a video on Andrew Carnigie. BLAH. since i didn't get to sleep during 1st i went to sleep during the video. this was the most uncomfortable nap i've ever taken! i was a little bit uncomfortable around the leg area cause of my run yesterday. and then the blackboard is right behind me and the little chalk holders right behind my neck. and i dunno, the comfort just wasn't there like usual... despite it all, i managed to sleep through the majority of the movie without getting caught. YaHHooo!
left 6th. grabbed some fries from in n out went home. went to bertrands and got a new mouth piece and my tuba fixed. i have lessons up next and then i'm gonna go running at 7. hurray,.
(old) phantom planet
so u know what i realized today??? i never blogged about my trip to see phantom planet on tuesday.
Tuesday after skool (during 6th to be more precise) i hung out with Em, Mare, and CHrissy. We went to that new boba spot in PQ, jj's boba. Em and i went to happy tiger and brought our food back to jjs. we played guess who and ate/ drank all while talking. i dont think mary won a game. poor girl. its all good, nest time partner. then we decided to go look at sunglasses and boys. we drove over to wavelines... no hot guys but some good product. then we went to poway to k5. some hot guys, but they seemed mad that we were there... like we were loud and un welcome cause we were loud. sadness. ohh well. then mare got a call and had to go home. so i dropped everyone off at their cars in the parking lot. em came over cause she thought she was gonna come along with me, katie, and chrissy to tower. so we decided to get some jamba and then gased up and then went to the bank. she called her dad and found out she couldn't go so we just drove over to chrissy's anyways to pick her up.
katie wa at my house already and i dropped off em at her car at my house. so katie jumped in and we went to la jolla to see phantom planet. On the way there we were pretty good, didn't get lost... until we exited off the freeway. damn it. so yea, we exited off of la jolla village drive. all i could remember was that the tower record was right next to the mormon temple, so i just turned left toward the temple... then i went too far. damn it. so we turned onto genesee and found nobel st and i turned the wrong way. so i made a u turn illegally and drove the otherway. then i suddenly got the really really bad urge to pee! ahh. so i was driving holding it in trying not to think about it. so yea, we found the mall area that we were looking for and then i also so a car full of boys. it was a 4 runner and so i kinda inched up without making it obvious. Katie realized what i was doing and put up a paper so they couldn't see her. chrissy was like, huh? haha. so i looked over and the guy in the passenger seat noticed me and told his friends or something. chrissy finally figured out what was happening to dared me to roll down my window. i didn't, even though i shoulda and i shoulda asked them where the tower recods was so i wouldn't have to spend my time trying to find it. but yea, they switched lanes infront of me even though they were on the very other side of the street. hah. i realized i passed the tower records, so i had to make a u turn... but then i didn't have enoug room make it so i had to wait for all the traffic to pass me up. and a thousand cars almost his my truck! AHHH. that was scarey... and chrissy made it worst by saying, "ohh i ca't look" and covering her eyes. i tried to stay calm, but i had to piss really really bad. so i finally got outtah that situation and turned into the mall and found the tower. i parked quickly and ran into the ross just below the tower records. i used the john and chrissy went in after me.
so we went up to the tower records. we bought our CDs for phantom planet to sign and looked around. we didn't know that they weren't playing on that side of the store, but they were playing on the movie/soundtracks side. so we ended up getting in line really late. some guy got behind us in line and chrissy and i agreed that we thought he was cute. so yea, we stood (i sat) in line and waited for the show to start. the line finally started to move and we got in... the back. damn it. the cute guy behind us turned out to be not so cute. he was okay, i thought, he was really really really freckly though. a couple more freckles and his skin color woulda been his freckle color. yea, i thought he was decent, chrissy thought he was unfortunate looking. poor boy. i saw anthony ramos there behind me some where. Jamie N was there too. she looks way different. anyway, we were standing next to this cd rack with a big cardboard poster of phantom planet, it kept falling on us cause it wasn't bound to the rack at all. after a while i got sick of standing next to some people so we all went to the very back of the store. i asked a couple of the people that worked there where the line for the phantom planet signing was going to be, and one of the guys told me it would be in the same place where the other line was but that they would be signing CDs & DVDs in the other room. so we chilled in the back. of course i scoped for some hot guys... didn't see any. sadness. well yea, they announced where the line was going to be and then phantom planet went back in stage, so i went out the door into the line. katie and chrissy took their time grabbing flyers and stuff. i called out their names and they got in line with me.
so we watched them from the window and listened to them play their last song. i think it was all over again. it was fun listening to their old stuff. but yea, katie and i sang outside. we were restless cause each and everyone of us had to get home and do hw. oh well. so i found out a lot of people came and were disapointed. that made me sad. i love phantom planet. it was depressing, a lot of people were waiting for the song "california" and never got it and some people didn't even know who phantom planet was. damn these people, ungreatful. they played a free show and stayed around to sign CDs. well anways, we waited for them to get to signing. i was like the 7 person in and the first person who had both the CD and DVD. it was exciting. they were really really really nice. they were genuinely happy to see their fans and they made conversation and gave these wonderful smiles. they were absolutely great. i loved it. they made me happy cause they were soo nice.
katie bought her orlando bloom poster on the way out the door and then we went to the truck and drove home. we decided to go grab some food on the way home. we got KFC and had to wait a little cause the chicken strips weren't done cooking. i guess i had some bladder problems that day cause i had to pee really bad again! ahh. so i went to the john after parking (since we had to wait for the chicken strips anyways) and i got a refill on my soda also. we waited and talked and stuff. we finally got our food and then drove home. katie scared the shit outtah my and chrissy by talking about the ghost on mercy road. damn it katie. so we got to my house and ate there. katie found out she didn't have any ranch for her chicken strips. we finished eating and i kicked them outtah my house and that was that.