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depressed...
i dunno... lately i've been really sad. Crying a lot for no reason... all at the same time, i have really great moments, where i'm as happy as can be, but one upsetting thing, brings me down... far down. There's things i shouldn't be worrying about, but i end up worrying about these things anyway.... Just thinking about them can get me so upset i end up crying. My eyes have been really soar lately... i suppose it cause of the crying. I dunno whats going on...
Chris and i have been getting in a lot of arguments lately... i think i blogged about this already. I guess that could be a factor... hopefully now that his spring break is over it will calm down around here a little more. Things seem to be already... but u never know. I love him. i really do.
I've been good when it comes to my friends. Rachel and i are good. I talk to her a lot now, like we used to. We hang out on a regular basis. I'm happy we hang out and have fun together. Elyse, Azadeh, Andi and i have gotten really close over the last few days. I'm really happy about that. I finally feel comfortable in Chris's group of friends, i feel like i'm not so alone when we hang out with his buds now. I have people to talk to and hang out with. It's nice. I was scared today... I got worried cause it seemed that Elyse was being really distant... i got this bad feeling that she was mad at me and that things between us weren't good. It was really upsetting for me cause it felt like i had just finally started to fit in, only to screw myself over... Not only that, but i just lost one of my best friends... now i'm losing one i just made... I called her up and found it was all in my mind... We straightened things out and things are good. Things between my friends, the ones i care about and the ones that care about me in return are good.
Home... I guess things are okay. I'm not getting in much trouble or anything. I've been doing well at home... doing my fair share and so on.
I'm trying to get back in the work force... i really need to start making money. Not only so i can go do things by myself and so i can buy things for myself, but i want to stop spending Chris's money so he can save up for a car and a phone and all that. It will be good for the both of us. It will also give me something to do. I just applied for a job... hopefully i get a call back soon.
College... college college college. I still don't know exactly what i'm doing. Palomar is still looking good, considering how much money i wll save and so on. I might as well... I have nothing to really look forward to at SDSU... i probably won't dorm, too expensive and i;m not so excited about the dorms anymore anyway... I dunno... i think community will just save me a lot of money and trouble.
So after analyzing most of the factors comprised in my life... i'm still sad, and don't know why. I guess there are things that are clouding my mind and giving me a hard time... i'm not one to talk about it... i'll figure it out on my own time i guess. I just wish i could get back to that place in my life where i was smiling all the time and where i was always laughing and where nothing could bring me down. I lost that a few weeks ago... i guess the somber mood has just dampered things. I guess thats whats clouding my mind. I'm scared i'm going to go back into that rut. People all month have been breaking up and getting in fights and so on... i guess the melancholiness from before hasn't completely evaporated... There's still a part of me that is still insecure because of what happened between me and crhis, i suppose. I'm getting over it though.. i'll be fine... its nice to see what it was that was bothering me though.